Objectification is No Sensation.

This is not a ball and I'm not walking               Sex Siren. 

Being objectified kind of feels good when you're not used to being thought of in that sense. It can boost your confidence and make you feel better about yourself. Sometimes we all need to feel wanted. However, when it's something that isn't foreign to you and happens all the time, it becomes annoying and hard to appreciate. Being thought of in a sexual way lets you know that someone finds you attractive. I've always taken it in the sense of someone wanting to have sex with me. In my experiences of  being objectified it has always just been sexual. Nothing more. Is it too much to want to be thought about beyond the outer appearance? Being made to feel like a piece of meat (personally) doesn't make me feel that hot all the time. I would rather be wanted for what's inside of my head than how my body looks. Being attracted to someone and looking at them as a sexual object is two different things. When you only come across guys that think of you as a sexual object you kind of think about how you're coming off to others. I look at myself and think about what it is that might be the cause of others to think about me in that way. It can be frustrating when you don't see what it is that draws that kind of attention to you. To me it seems like I'm wanting too much at the moment. I would like to find someone that is just as into my personality, intelligence and interests as they are to my appearance. Not asking to jump into a relationship but exploring the idea of dating shouldn't be a lot to ask for. 

You Think You Know Me? (word on the street is that you do)

The guy you think you know isn't just the guy you know him to be. No one really know's the guy inside. On the outside he comes across as a caring individual that is very bubbly and personable. He's always upbeat, full of energy, and quick to make others laugh. All of these things are honest characteristics of his being, but there is a side that isn't upbeat and bubbly. It actually is a bit gloomy and lonesome. Even though he feels alone he carries on. Always with a smile on his face he goes out of his way to fulfill the wants and needs of others. Lending an ear to many associates that think of him as a friend. They come to him with their problems, dilemmas, and various situations then they're gone, not knowing all that he has going on in his life. Maybe one day someone might ask if he needs to borrow an ear just to get some of the many things out that he harbors inside. Some look at him and think that he has it all together when everything is actually falling apart. He is insecure, lonely, and hard. Not knowing what's going to happen tomorrow, he just does what he can to make sure that he is ready for whatever may come his way. Indulging himself into things that he is passionate about acts as an escape from it all. Dancing barefoot in the studio feels like home. Taking the corner of the mat and preparing to flip, and travel across the floor lets him be invincible. Those are the moments that he lives for. Being free with nothing keeping him down. Maybe one day he will find someone interested in how he feels, or that will be there for him as he is for others, but until then he has his love for his craft. May it continue to get him through.

What is Love?

love/ləv/

Noun:	An intense feeling of deep affection
Verb:	Feel a deep romantic or sexual attachment to (someone): "do you love me?".
Synonyms:	noun.  affection - fondness - darling - passion verb.  like - be fond of - fancy - adore

That's the definition of love and there's so much more to it as well. Is that what you're looking for? Most people don't know what exactly love is and the others just don't care. In most cases in the gay world that's true. Where one maybe looking for love the other is more than likely only looking to love what's in your pants. It's sad that what may have seemed to be a relationship to you was just convenient for the other person to get their 'needs' fulfilled until they moved on to someone else. It seems so easy for people to talk about sex and to ask for it, but going on a date or just getting to know someone is weird in the eyes of most of my peers. Love is lost. Everyone has in their head what they want, but in most cases their actions don't show that that's what they need or that they just aren't ready for it.

SEX
It seems to be the only thing that anyone wants now a days. For most it trumps any romantic gesture or meaningful thing that one might do for another. Is romance truly just a thing of the past? Personally I think romance adds to the whole sexual experience. Sex is good but it is so much better when you are connected in ways that are more than physical. Go on a date and let it build up to that page. Sexual pleasure is a quick orgasm and the journey to that release. When there is a connection or attraction beyond the physical there is more than just the pleasure that you're getting by being stimulated sexually. Your mind and body are being stimulated. Chances are when you finish you'll want to carry on or leave if it's just a hookup. Being attracted to someone beyond the physical leaves much more to be desired sexually, and mentally.You'll want to see them again. So why settle for empty sex when it can be so much more than that.

How Do You Love?
I can't tell you how many times I have gone into a situation with a guy thinking that I'd get all that I put into something in return. I've never been more wrong in my life.  Because of how I am when I love someone I personally don't expect all of the same actions in return so I won't be let down or disappointed. That's just a defense mechanism that I have. My characteristics of being a good friend indicate to me that I'd be a good boyfriend (IN MY OPINION). When I come to love someone or fall in love, I'm all in. Anything I can do for that person is done without question. Feelings can sometimes be scary. Sometimes you can surprise or scare yourself when thinking about how much you feel for someone. Knowing how the other person feels is imperative! Being aware of how they feel for you can kind of give you a sign on whether you need to slow your roll or if it's too much for you to handle if you're not ready for that. All in all I think you should know how you would love, what you are willing to do for someone.

Random Thoughts Inside

Whenever I'm not dancing all I can think about is love. The love I have for dance. The love I have for being in love and being close to someone. I don't want to have sex I just want to cuddle. Is that a lot to ask for? Being alone is something that scares me. It's been literally 3 years since I've been in a relationship and the fact that I've been alone for all this time is driving me crazy. I just want to be close to someone. It's almost to the point to where I feel so unattractive that it's just ridiculous. I don't know. I wish I could just dance 24/7 and not have this problem but unfortunately I can't and it's constantly being thrown in my face for me to have deal with the realities of life

Ambrosius & Oedipus

When we met I didn't really know what our friendship would become. Over time it has grown to be something that I would not be able to live without. My biggest fan, my brother, and friend. Always supportive, and encouraging. We share the same passion. We love to DANCE and we both love the boys as well. The dream we share is now in our reach and obtaining it is all that matters now. Doing all that it takes to get there is all that's on my mind. The want is greater than anything else in my life right now and I'm sure that I can say the same for you too.

Oedipus is someone I look up to as a dancer.

Your technique may not be perfect but it's a level that I wish to be on one day.

You lose yourself and put all you have into all that you do.

With your support and help I know that I'll be able to obtain the goal. I'll be there for you every step of the way and I'm here for you no matter what.

I'm Sprung. Yep you got me.

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME!!!
Lately I've found myself falling for a guy. Supposably he's straight, but rumor has it that he may play as a quarterback for both teams. I've been thinking about him nonstop, imagining that he's the one that I'm having sex with whenever I have sex and thinking that every gesture from him is a hint that he's into me. Some of these gestures are pretty out there which would be probable cause for anyone to think that there's more to it than this blossoming friendship, but I don't know how this would work either way. I love the attention. What else can I say? I do sometimes put myself out there to say "hey come and get it", but I try my best to play it cool. Whenever he flirts I flirt back. Whenever I see him walking I get in front of him and walk slow to make sure he notices and if he's on the phone or something I make sure I amwalking slow enough so I am still there when he gets done so he can yell for me. I'm done though. I'm going to try to not try to get his attention. This is me leaving it alone and trying to keep this situation strictly at friendship level. If I was to pursue this it would be like playing Russian Roulette with a loaded gun with the only chances of someone winning is that one of the shells happen to be blank. I'm not going to set myself up for something that I can prevent. If it is to happen I'll let him do it on his own time in his own way that is clear to me that the feeling that I have is mutual between the 2 of us.

I'm Putting Myself Out There :/

I'm prepared for the hurt and the consequences of going after what I want. If I get hurt I get hurt. I will go after all that I believe is worth it. As long as there's a possibility or a chance of a positive outcome then I'll be out there fighting til the end until I just cant go on fighting.

Lately I've been feeling very depressed. Thinking that I'm nothing at all. Not worth anything to anyone. I hate to say it but It's almost gone back to struggles that I had as a child where the only love that I really knew was that connection that you have with someone during sex. I've been strong enough to keep myself from sinking back into those dreadful habits but I don't know how much longer I can go without having someone in my life. Being single is fine with me and has been for three years but being single this long has taken it's toll.

Random Thoughts & Feelings

Is there a such thing as the perfect guy?

In our minds we all have an idea of what we think is the perfect guy. For some it's tall dark and handsome, while for others it's the all-american blonde and blue. It's kind of hard for me to describe my perfect guy because I don't have a specific or set type. Perfect is something that we all want in life or something very close to it. The perfect relationship, the perfect job, the perfect sex. . . . . . . . are just some of the things that we would like to be simply amazing. Bodies are another thing that we love to look at. We spend countless hours and tons of time sculpting what we see as the perfect body. We love to lust after what we don't have and what we wish to be. In our mind it's perfect but who's to say what is and what is not perfect. Things can be perfect in one aspect and something completely different in another. You can have the hottest guy in the world and even he might not be the one for you. The outter shell only goes so far and will only last for so long and a lot of guys fail to realize that. A boyfriend is supposed to care for you, be there for you, and help you not hurt you. Relationships are supposed to help you get through the hard times in life, ease the stress and make life more enjoyable. How can a partner do all of that if they're the one's causing the stress and the complicated things that fill your life?

I WANT YOU TO SEE THE OTHER SIDE OF ME

Sometimes I wonder how I come off to others. What comes across their minds when they see me? How do they take what I say or how I act? The reason why I find my self wondering these things the fact that evey guy I think about talking to and most of the guys that approach me only want to have sex with me and see me only as a sexual object. It really hurts when a guy you really like only wants to have sex with you. Yes, I would love to have sex with them, but 1- not right of the bat and 2- not if that's all it's ever going to be. If people actually took the time to get to know people and see the personality that lies within, they might actually find out that there is more to a person than just looks. Just because a person doesn't neccesarily have the perfect outter shell make them un-date-able unless you're that superficial. There is nothing wrong with the ocassional hookup. People need sex I get it, but don't come to me expecting to land one. Stick with me and see the other side of me. You might like what you find there and might end up getting what you want and a whole lot more.

I'll Keep Dancing On My Own. . . . . . .

I'm in the corner... watching you kiss him.... I'm right over here..... why don't you see me......

I'm trying so hard, but I'm not the guy you're taking home... I keep dancing on my own.

(Jealousy may be the ugliest trait Keri, but I'm jealous of the guys in that picture.)

I think I may be trying to hard to find someone, and maybe that's why I'm still dancing on my own. People say that I'm a pretty nice catch, but that doesn't seem to be the opinion of the guys that I tend to come across.

So far away but still so near.

Sometimes it's very frustrating when you're so close to something and so far away at the same time. This can be said in the terms of a long distance relationship, when you like someone but they don't know how you feel, or when you're trying so hard to obtain something or you're working toward something and the efforts seem like it's no use. I've found myself having interest in a guy and I'm starting to think that the fact that I can't see him is making me want to see him more. In the sense of being so far but near but near, we're within reasonable distance of one another, but there's always something that prevents us from being able to spend time together. Either I'm away at school or there is just no time to do anything whenever I'm home.

The fact that he seems genuinely excited when we talk and about spending time together makes me believe that the efforts in trying are still good for something. We're not to the point to where just spill our feelings to one another, but I wish I knew the feelings that he has for me if there are any at all.