I'm Sprung. Yep you got me.

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME!!!
Lately I've found myself falling for a guy. Supposably he's straight, but rumor has it that he may play as a quarterback for both teams. I've been thinking about him nonstop, imagining that he's the one that I'm having sex with whenever I have sex and thinking that every gesture from him is a hint that he's into me. Some of these gestures are pretty out there which would be probable cause for anyone to think that there's more to it than this blossoming friendship, but I don't know how this would work either way. I love the attention. What else can I say? I do sometimes put myself out there to say "hey come and get it", but I try my best to play it cool. Whenever he flirts I flirt back. Whenever I see him walking I get in front of him and walk slow to make sure he notices and if he's on the phone or something I make sure I amwalking slow enough so I am still there when he gets done so he can yell for me. I'm done though. I'm going to try to not try to get his attention. This is me leaving it alone and trying to keep this situation strictly at friendship level. If I was to pursue this it would be like playing Russian Roulette with a loaded gun with the only chances of someone winning is that one of the shells happen to be blank. I'm not going to set myself up for something that I can prevent. If it is to happen I'll let him do it on his own time in his own way that is clear to me that the feeling that I have is mutual between the 2 of us.

I'm Putting Myself Out There :/

I'm prepared for the hurt and the consequences of going after what I want. If I get hurt I get hurt. I will go after all that I believe is worth it. As long as there's a possibility or a chance of a positive outcome then I'll be out there fighting til the end until I just cant go on fighting.

Lately I've been feeling very depressed. Thinking that I'm nothing at all. Not worth anything to anyone. I hate to say it but It's almost gone back to struggles that I had as a child where the only love that I really knew was that connection that you have with someone during sex. I've been strong enough to keep myself from sinking back into those dreadful habits but I don't know how much longer I can go without having someone in my life. Being single is fine with me and has been for three years but being single this long has taken it's toll.

Random Thoughts & Feelings

Is there a such thing as the perfect guy?

In our minds we all have an idea of what we think is the perfect guy. For some it's tall dark and handsome, while for others it's the all-american blonde and blue. It's kind of hard for me to describe my perfect guy because I don't have a specific or set type. Perfect is something that we all want in life or something very close to it. The perfect relationship, the perfect job, the perfect sex. . . . . . . . are just some of the things that we would like to be simply amazing. Bodies are another thing that we love to look at. We spend countless hours and tons of time sculpting what we see as the perfect body. We love to lust after what we don't have and what we wish to be. In our mind it's perfect but who's to say what is and what is not perfect. Things can be perfect in one aspect and something completely different in another. You can have the hottest guy in the world and even he might not be the one for you. The outter shell only goes so far and will only last for so long and a lot of guys fail to realize that. A boyfriend is supposed to care for you, be there for you, and help you not hurt you. Relationships are supposed to help you get through the hard times in life, ease the stress and make life more enjoyable. How can a partner do all of that if they're the one's causing the stress and the complicated things that fill your life?

I WANT YOU TO SEE THE OTHER SIDE OF ME

Sometimes I wonder how I come off to others. What comes across their minds when they see me? How do they take what I say or how I act? The reason why I find my self wondering these things the fact that evey guy I think about talking to and most of the guys that approach me only want to have sex with me and see me only as a sexual object. It really hurts when a guy you really like only wants to have sex with you. Yes, I would love to have sex with them, but 1- not right of the bat and 2- not if that's all it's ever going to be. If people actually took the time to get to know people and see the personality that lies within, they might actually find out that there is more to a person than just looks. Just because a person doesn't neccesarily have the perfect outter shell make them un-date-able unless you're that superficial. There is nothing wrong with the ocassional hookup. People need sex I get it, but don't come to me expecting to land one. Stick with me and see the other side of me. You might like what you find there and might end up getting what you want and a whole lot more.

I'll Keep Dancing On My Own. . . . . . .

I'm in the corner... watching you kiss him.... I'm right over here..... why don't you see me......

I'm trying so hard, but I'm not the guy you're taking home... I keep dancing on my own.

(Jealousy may be the ugliest trait Keri, but I'm jealous of the guys in that picture.)

I think I may be trying to hard to find someone, and maybe that's why I'm still dancing on my own. People say that I'm a pretty nice catch, but that doesn't seem to be the opinion of the guys that I tend to come across.

So far away but still so near.

Sometimes it's very frustrating when you're so close to something and so far away at the same time. This can be said in the terms of a long distance relationship, when you like someone but they don't know how you feel, or when you're trying so hard to obtain something or you're working toward something and the efforts seem like it's no use. I've found myself having interest in a guy and I'm starting to think that the fact that I can't see him is making me want to see him more. In the sense of being so far but near but near, we're within reasonable distance of one another, but there's always something that prevents us from being able to spend time together. Either I'm away at school or there is just no time to do anything whenever I'm home.

The fact that he seems genuinely excited when we talk and about spending time together makes me believe that the efforts in trying are still good for something. We're not to the point to where just spill our feelings to one another, but I wish I knew the feelings that he has for me if there are any at all.

GAY 2 THE POINT. PERIOD!

So everyone (gays) has some guy that's straight that they wish were gay. A lot of guys go after them which isn't always the best thing to do in that situation. The best thing to do is to try to keep things from being more than a crush. Since that is pretty hard to do for most then I suggest you just let them come to you. That means just be patient and don't get mad if it doesn't happen.

Once in a blue moon comes a guy that makes it impossible for you to control your feelings. I know this because it's happened plenty of times and currently there are a few crushes that I myself just can not get a grip over.

CRUSH #1

D.H- I've been crushing so long and so hard for about a year now. Things seem to be looking up now that they are stepping into my ring and need my guidance. Sometimes I have to be careful of not guiding them into my palm or coping a feel here and there. I can sometimes over think things and take things in ways that I know they're not. It's just the things he do make me melt over him and makes me want him even more. I think I really do like him because my feelings sometimes seem more than sexual. Rumors are around that the things I hope to be true are so but all I can say is that whatever happens, happens. (But I do hope the cards fall in my favor.)

CRUSH#2

This guy is the guy that never really knows that he's coming on to you. He's "straight" and more

than clever enough to play games with you with out knowing that you're being played. He wants

to be in control of anything that happens. He loves to do things for me, come see me (most of the

time without me knowing). Always leaves things open ended. His charm is very deceptive and I

think that's why I like him. This guy is also tampering with one of my friends that will be known

as Oedipus. (The adventures of Ambrosius & Oedipus will be mentioned in due time.). This crush

is something that I crave like the crush mentioned above. It's just something that I wouldn't

mind happening if something was to happen.

CRUSH#3

This is probably one of the crushes that is more likely to become something since he is gay, out,

and also has interest in me. Also like crush #1 so hard for me to resist. He's from home and I just

don't know if it's going to work. He's the type of guy that says he's excited to see you, and makes

it seem like everything is biscuit's and gravy, but his actions leaves everything he says

questionable. He wants to see me when I get home so I guess I'll go out on a limb and see if it's

worth standing on. (Xender better be right about this one.)

ADVENTURE & LIVES

OF

AMBROSIUS & OEDIPUS.

Oedipus is a friend that is going through some issues with one of the guys that he recently

encountered. His wish came true in the hopes of him landing his perfect crush. Everything was

perfect until he mentioned the girl's name. It was then that Oedipus realized that it can't always

be exactly like you want it to be.The situation is something that every gay dreams of but a curse

as well. It's hard when you can never live up to what a girl can give a closeted guy.

OEDIPUS- is one of my best friends. We talk about this subject regularly and it never

gets old. We love to refer to the guys as names from top model. Krista is his recent winner of the

latest cycle. I'm in the top 5 with Raina, Alaisha, Kendel, Jane, and Chris. Oedipus always has a

way of always getting his way for a moment until it makes a U turn. We always have a way of

relating one way of another we both agree to never judge. That is why we remain the best of

friends. Franco/Aussie Alliance 4 Ever.

FLINGS & THINGS. . . . . . .

Who's to say whether a fling is right or wrong?

We all (well most) are guilty of this unjustifiable subject. I too am guilty of having the occasional fling here and there, but is that wrong? Is it wrong for a someone to explore their curiosities of "other" sexual interest?

So recently I had what most will call a fling since the guy it was with and I are no longer talking. I still had interest in possibly taking what I thought we had further, but I soon found out that feeling wasn't mutual. A few weeks ago the guy tells me that he doesn't think it would

be wise for us to spend the night together and that he's lost interest. I asked why and he said we don't have anything to talk about and t

hat all it ever is with me is cheer and dance. I opened up and they didn't so all there was to talk about was me since he never wanted to talk about him or his life. You can't have a relationship with someone that has no interest in letting you into their life or lettling you get to know them better. I'm glad you realized this and you should just know that it's not my fault that it didn't work out because I was open to letting you into "more" than just my life which was very evident on more than one occasion.

My Goodies, My Goodies, My Goodies Not my goodies!!!

So I was lured in by food. (Woopty Doo!!! Big Surprise!!!) I'm thinking maybe he changed his mind and wants to possibly pick things up. Watching movies, eating pizza and just chatting it up a little. Movie goes off. I'm on the verge of being knocked out. In my head I'm thinking that I should leave but I want to see what's going to happen (not a good idea). He starts this thing on how he's so cold and talks about how I'm so warm. SURPRISE!!!!! We both end up naked and cuddling. As we all know when you're naked and cuddling that eventually leads to something else and yeah... . . . . . . . He brought up someone else as we layed there naked. Goes in for the kiss and I tell him to go kiss the

guy that he's thinking about. I know he wanted to be with him because when I told him to text him he couldn't even let the guy know that all he wanted to do while he was naked with me was kiss him. So that lets me know that this was a fling for him to get his "thing" off, and that he has no intentions on ever seeing where things go.

THE GUY???

We all know this guy. The person who wants to explore their curiosities of their sexual interests. I don't think it's wrong for people to explore these types of interests because in a way it's finding out who you are. If you never act on the curiosities that linger then you'll never know the answer to that question in your mind.

Another guy that we know is the "Pleasure Seeker". Loves to blame it on the alcohol. All I can say is that actions speak louder than words. "I'm Not Gay", is what they all say but if it's not true then there's nothing to go on so why bother. No one really cares. Just be yourself and everyone will appreciate you more. Who knows you may even enjoy life more without having to hide things all the time.

Is It Really Worth It?

We have long and grueling rehearsals, and practice hours upon hours each day for performances that don't even amount to the hours of practice that we spend rehearsing for. Dance is what we live for. It's what we do. We want to be great. We don't want to be good because of the things going on in our lives, nor the things that are supposed to hinder us from dance. We want people to say we're good because we are good at what we do.
Is it worth it? All of the long rehearsals, dancing through injuries, sickness, and mental and physical fatigue? Not giving excuses and pushing past the pain is what we do. It's our life. Why do we love it so much? Will we ever know? We damage our bodies to perfect our technique, to broaden our knowledge, and to share our passion with others through movement. The compliments aren't our reasons why we perform. We perform to express our selves, to clear our minds of what going on in our lives. Dance is our outlet. We all have different reasons of why we do it. Different things push us through the pain, frustrations, limits, and other things that tell us no.We all may not be as technically proficient as the other but we share a love as well as a drive to push us to where we want to be, and that's why we are great friends.
Our fight is not the same, and we face a different battle. Cancer, alienation from family, not having family support are just some of of the daily battles that we deal with, but it's not an excuse for our downfalls or for our success. It's just another part of our life it's not who we are, just things that we have to deal with in life.

WE ARE DANCERS

IT'S OUR LIVES!!!!
(Dedicated to Japan, Australia, and France may our friendship live on wherever life may take us)

What is a Friend to Do. . . . . . . . . . . . .

What is a friend to do when their friendship is in jeopardy of being ruined by the possibility of a blossoming or growing relationship? Relationships are something that can take a toll on the people in them as well as the people connected to the couple, but I'm not too sure that this certain situation would be one that I would handle too well.

My friend has been known to naturally display signs of interest even though they may not be interested in a person at all. Lately it has been seeming as if things might go further than what they would usually go. The person they "may" be interested in isn't the typical person that they would normally be attracted to and has some qualities about them that I have been told by my friend directly that they didn't like. Periodically we talk about this and come to the conclusion that nothing would go on between the two. It's been a while since we had the conversation so I'm debating on whether or not i should talk to them about it. I was told by a trust worthy and very reliable source that they were kissing and that this person begged my friend to come with them instead of ridding with me. Me being the good friend hasn't been what people may call cock blocking or ruining a playa's game, but this is my Best Friend we're talking about. I've been giving my friend space and not being too far into their business but it seems as if there may be an underlined agenda that I believe needs to be revealed. Investigating and not letting them be alone would be wrong on my part and may push my friend away, but being too distant may just do the exact opposite.

I've come to the conclusion of just trusting my friend. Leaving the decision ultimately up to them, and if they want, need, or ask for my advice or opinion I will be there to give that information willingly. It's their life. I'm the best friend and I'm just here to be there for them through the good and the bad no matter what.

I really don't know why, but I just don't feel as if this is a good thing for them and I just care too much about them to let them get hurt. (Don't let the proper-ness fool you I will get down and bang for the ones I love!!!)